Sunday, March 28, 2010

Waves of Grief and Running the Race

Posting from my journal entry of September 26th:

2 months ago today my husband went to be with the Lord. What can I say to that?

Today I ran the half marathon in Fort Wayne and accomplished my goal of 10 by 50 (ten half-marathons by the time I'm fifty). I dedicated this run to Chris, who was always so excited for me and supported me so well with my running. I did it, with help from the One who is greater. Along with Char, I did it!

Okay, so now I've lived two months without him. I could never explain to anyone what these two months have been like. Impossible! Crying has taken on a new depth. It is like a wave that swells until it reaches its peak and then crashes down on the shore, receding back into the ocean. Riding that wave has been neither a thrill, nor enjoyable. It has been painful, sorrowful and overwhelming.

I am so sad all the time. Even when I'm laughing, I am sad. This is not the future we had planned.

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