I always have a current response to my journal entry that was written in those first three months. This is a response that includes a journal entry of September 27th and my current response to it:

Pastor Brad spoke on grace and truth today-waves of grace was his phrase. Interesting, isn't it, that I had just compared crying and how it is like a wave that swells until it reaches its peak....waves of grief and waves of grace...hmm.

Waves of grief and waves of grace, one is not welcome, but the other is. Waves of grief come crashing down, unyielding, inconsolable, and unbearable. But then when we turn to Jesus, waves of grace upon waves of grace are available to bring surrender, consolation and hope. I'd rather have one and not the other, but I would not want waves of grief without having also experienced the waves of grace. As unbending and unsympathetic are the waves of grief, even more so are the waves of grace gentle, kind and comforting, giving strength to live through the grief that has so engulfed me.

Today, March 28th, 2010, those waves do not crash as often. It's now been 8 months and I miss him still so very much. The waves are more intermittent now and that is helpful. But as I speak of the intermittent waves, I am speaking of the waves of grief. Those waves of grace are still constant, faithful and relentless, just as God's love and just as the love of my husband was.

I can say that life is good because God is good. Life is not what was planned and has taken a cruel turn, but since I am one who has experienced and continues to experience, those waves of grace, I truly can say that life is good.